Loaded up an eclectic array of leagues based on my desire for variety, my status as a North American, and undoubtedly delusional aspirations to “climb the ladder” into the Champion's League someday.
2019-20: KFC Dessel Sport, Belgian First Amateur Division
Playable Leagues
All divisions:
- Belgium
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Top several divisions:
- England
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Seeing as both Frank and Paco are long in the tooth at this point, I consulted Paco's cousin Randomo Numero Generatorio for my assignment. He sent me to the Belgian First Amateur Division to manage KFC Dessel Sport, whose prestigious history included winning the Belgian Fourth Division C once and Third Division B twice in the past three decades.
![[Image: Dessel.png]](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/fr/b/bd/Dessel.png)
2018-19: KFC Dessel Sport, Belgian First Amateur Division
Upon arriving, my AssMan informed me that the squad were positively in love with each other, which was re-affirmed when it was revealed that the first pre-season match was a testimonial to club legend Bulldog, a DL who was still on a pricey three-year contract. The squad was composed of a good mix of youth with seemingly decent potential (if the AssMan can be trusted) and a few key elders to keep the young 'uns in line with a healthy mix of through balls and time-honored bromides about the team being more important than the individual. The team also looked decent on the pitch in the first couple friendlies. Right midfield and Goalkeeper looked like the only positions in need of shoring up, so I sent my two scouts to look for some.
Through pre-season we magnanimously offered trials to the plethora of young local lads who showed up at the door peddling their wares and signed two of them - a young GK, Tiger, who might be an improvement on our current keeper Stone Hands, as well as a 19 year-old MC, War Drummer, who looked like he could do a few jobs in the middle. I suspected this team might be able to win promotion this year but played coy with the board, who only hoped to avoid relegation, by acting like my “mid-table” aspirations were a sign of real ambition.
Mid-season we were hovering between 3rd-5th, but that position was a bit deceptive as we were always only a few points ahead of 9th place and always a mile off leaders Liège and R Excelsior Virton. War Drummer got poached 2 months in as I'd neglected to shore him up on a paid contract (this is how we learn), but Tiger did well, especially in his signature move of pouncing on every cross that came anywhere near his vicinity, thus earning his nickname. Strikers regularly got through on goal only to fluff their lines, but my veteran left winger-turned MC Silk and the AM RLC who took up his former position, Crazy Legs, picked up the slack. In January my gambit with the board paid off as, expectations anchored by my early pooh-poohing of our chances, they were absolutely beside themselves at the team's league positioning. I negotiated a two-year extension on my contract on the back of a promise that we'd finish top-half this year.
Heavily utilizing the “put bodies in front of the ball and punt it straight down the field as far as you can if it happens to land near your foot” strategy we won more than our fair share of games, finishing in 3rd. The other three teams in the promotion playoff quickly dispelled any illusions that might have lingered among the squad members that we deserved to be there. Still, great season over all.
Next season's plan: (a) reduce the wage budget by 10-15% as we're leaking funds, (b) sign a striker who can put it in the net, and © find a way to ease aging club captain Bulldog out of the team without destroying squad harmony. He is as slow as a rock but made up for it a dozen times through the season with last-ditch tackles on the same wingers that repeatedly ran right by him at the halfway line. He also calmed a number of potentially disruptive players down in the locker room, giving me street cred with the boys. But his time has passed, which is unlucky as he's on contract for two more years. Maybe I can convince him to put his shiny new Continental C coaching license to work sooner rather than later...
In: 2
Out: 2
Expenditure: 0 Euro
League: 3rd in league, 4th in promotion playoff
Cup: Down in penalties AET to top-flight Lokeren in 6th round
Fans POTY: Silk, classy (for this level) veteran AMLC with 11 goals, 12 assists
My POTY: Bulldog, captain DL who simultaneously created and saved the team from more clear-cut chances than anyone else on the pitch, all while managing more egos than a Hollywood agent off it.
Sidebar: Notable things about the Belgian First Amateur Division
- Only four(!) bench players per match really motivates managerial creativity
- At least two players on the matchday squad have to be U-21
- The promotion system is odd:
- Top four teams play round-robin
- Each team starts with ½ the points they earned during the season
- Top team on total points (½ season's points + playoff points) gains promotion
- Tie-breaker is (I think) team position at the end of regular season
2019-20: KFC Dessel Sport, Belgian First Amateur Division
In: 6
Out: 5
Net Spend: $0
In a signature fit of panic, signed two strikers in the offseason to overcompensate for last season's profligacy in front of goal. Now the squad has one too many. Also signed a young DLC to share time with Bulldog and a backup GK and AM L/R for depth. My GM took the initiative and signed a U-20 DC (I had given him the wrong instructions; again, this is how we learn) who surprisingly looks like he might be serviceable next year. Also of note is a new youth prospect ST who looks like “one of the best players to ever come through the ranks” of the prestigious Dessel youth recruitment program. I imagine he'll start next year.
Looked good in pre-season and started the season proper by smash last year's bottom-feeders Francs Borrains, who had miraculously stayed up in the relegation playoff despite a -61 goal differential during the season, 7-0 away. I thought we were bound for promotion. An awful run of 8 matches without a win disabused me of that notion and inspired some tactical tinkering and U-21 promotions. A strategically timed team meeting and a heavy dose of ego stroking saw us turn things around at the end of October and by the January break we were sitting 5th, but due to a season of exceptional parity we were only 6 points off the relegation zone. One of the new strikers, Biceps, played well in a deep-lying role and the other was rubbish, transfer-listed by December. Fortunately, one of last year's chance-wasters, Panther, suddenly realized he was playing English football, not American, and started hitting the net rather than aiming over the crossbar. Crazy Legs also pitched in with plenty of goals. Meanwhile, the midfield and defense looked largely solid, including Bulldog who despite being slower than a glacier continues to tackle in a manner that befits his nickname.
We went on an absolute tear at the end of the season, ending with a league record 11-match winning streak, setting the goals record and landing in the promotion playoff. Scarface, the 16-y/o prospect ST I'd been told about last spring got promoted in January and played well in the run-in. He looks like a star in the making; I just hope I can keep him around for a few seasons. Unfortunately, RWDM, who had topped the league all year, started the playoff with a 3-point advantage and we were only able to match their points by the end of the playoff, with them going through on a tie-breaker. I'm not too upset though – I'd started the season only hoping to make the playoff again. Next year promotion might be on the cards.
League: Regular season - 4th, promotion playoff - 2nd
Cup: Out in 6th round 1-0 to top flight side Antwerp
Fans' POTY: Crazy Legs, who won the league POTY and led the division with 15 goals from the ML position
My POTY: Big Kris, my dominant DC, who was a rock all season
Goals for next season:
- Cut wage budget even more – we're hemorrhaging funds despite having already cut the budget 20% since my arrival two seasons ago.Keep team intact – we've got the quality and cohesion now, I think, to make a title run.Add depth to DM, DR and DC by way of young signings.
2020-21: KFC Dessel Sport, Belgian First Amateur Division
During the summer, Belgium defeated Russia 2-0 to nab the European championship. Well done to my adoptive FM homeland!
At the end of last season, one board member took over the presidency and immediately took out a $1 million loan, temporarily solving our financial problems. In a fit of profligacy the board then finally agreed to spare $800 of it on a coaching course so I can finally get my first coaching certification. Puzzlingly, my players last season were regularly chuffed to be playing for such a “talented” manager, despite my utter lack of reputation and/or certification and my most prestigious football experience being the single goal scored for my high school soccer football club when I was 17. No doubt their excitement says more about them than me.
After two seasons of seeing them in action, I used this offseason to cut out the bulk of the fat that was left from the team I inherited back in 2018, releasing several on frees and selling a few more. Ten players are now left who still play a significant role, so it hasn't been scorched earth policy, but I do feel that finally the wheat has been effectively separated from the chaff. The only nagging remnant is Bulldog, who is too influential in the team for me to risk transfer listing despite his pace rating threatening to go into the negatives any day now. He raised a small fuss when I started out pre-season by replacing him as captain with Murderer, our hard-tackling DM, but things quieted down when his old friend Crazy Legs, who is now vice-captain, gave him a heart-to-heart.
Signings were all depth and future this offseason. Depth and competition at LB, young depth at DC, and a 23 year-old MC who can fill in for Murderer or his more classy midfield partner, Elegant. That should do for new blood, though I'll still keep my eye out for a young keeper to develop and have some hope that one or two U-18 lads will break into the rotation by the end of the season.
In: 3 new, 1 loan
Out: 8
Net Spend: $29k
- On November 27th, KV Kotrijk Voetbalt of the Belgian top flight offered me a job interview. I was sorely tempted, but (a) the club's “Insecure” financial status along with (b) the inclusion in the offer of the ominous clause “The board wish to make clear they reserve the right to adjust the transfer and payroll budget in the future and without consultation” and © my suspicion that my Sunday-league credentials would be less impressive to pros than to my motley gang of amateurs made me decline. That, and I prefer to build quality rather than join it. At least, that's what I'll tell myself when we fail to gain promotion again at the end of this season... –
As it turns out, this season was magical. As I had expected, the squad kept us around the top all season, with the young ST I promoted end of last season, Scarface, banging in goals left and right. Also, for the first time, we made a cup run, the undoubted highlight (or so I thought at the time) being a completely unexpected 3-0 thumping of Club Brugge on our home ground in the Quarter-Final – and it could have been more – in front of a club-record 4,284 fans. My backup GK's cup performances, combined with Tiger's mediocrity, prompted me to give him a run in the first team. He would keep it the rest of the season, significantly out-performing Tiger.
End of season was a complete two-horse race between us and Lierse Kampenzonen, who had been heavily predicted to win the division. We just nicked them to first place on 66 points to their 65, with third-place coming in at a distant 53. In the playoff round-robin Lierse thumped us on our home ground and we only barely scraped a nervy 1-1 draw in the return leg on an 81st minute corner goal by Scarface. Fortunately, Lierse fluffed their lines in a 3-3 draw against Knokke while we won all other matches landing us in the Belgian Pro League B!
But even more magical was the cup run. After we beat Brugge, we faced KV Mechelen, drew 0-0 on their ground and won 3-2 on ours in the Semi-Final, where we faced a lackluster Cercle Brugge side languishing low in the top flight. Our “shut up shop and thump it downfield” tactic worked to perfection, and when Big Kris banged in a(nother) 81st minute corner for the 1-0 win, the fans went wild. Cercle didn't threaten for the rest of the match. From the third division, we won the Belgian cup! We just about deserved it too, though I'm going to have trouble sleeping at night figuring out what the hell this gang of amateurs is going to do to deal with European football.
More than a touch of fortune blessed us this season. Our cup run was incredibly generous and the two above-mentioned season-altering corners were 2 out of only 3 corners converted this season, for example. Belgium being Belgium, the none-too-prestigious Cup gained us a paltry $112,000, which is nice but still doesn't stop the club's financial bleeding despite my having kept the wage budget consistently around 20-25% below the limit. It seems like it will be difficult to stay up next season, but I'll be damned if I won't welcome the challenge!
League: Regular Season - 1st ; Promotion Playoff - 1st
Cup: WINNERS 1-0 over Cercle Brugge
Fans' POTY: Scarface, with 24 goals in all competitions
My POTY: Biceps, who scored 17, laid on 6, and always seemed to show up just when the rest of the team needed a pick-me-up
Goals for next season:
- Acquire one player of real quality at every level – Keeper, Defense, Midfield, StrikerKeep heads above waterPray for a billionaire with loose purse strings and a forgiving attitude to take over the club
2021-2: KFC Dessel Sport, Belgian Pro League B
In the offseason, the board expanded the stadium by 736 seats to comply with regulations, costing the club a further $120k (there goes that cup money) but getting finished by early summer. A new kit sponsor quintupled our sponsorship money and then the Europe money came in, all $3.72m of it and well...there go our financial worries. We're well in the black, which I took advantage of to impose upon the board to fund another coaching course, bringing me up to National B level.
The only real quality my scouts found who'd be willing to play for us were a left-winger and a GK, both of which I signed. Also signed was one of the dozens of Argentines who pitched up at the club looking for a try-out, this one a 20 year-old DC who can't use his head for a damn but can put in a tackle that'd put even Murderer to shame. Other signings were mostly a series of frees and two loans to provide depth and competition. At the 11th hour, Biceps tore a hammy and our versatile RB pitched a fit about me turning down a transfer offer from a bigger club, so I told him he good riddance and panic-signed a replacement RB and thinly-scouted two strikers on loan.
In: 7 permanent, 4 loans
Out: 6
Net Spend: -$210k
League, First Phase:
Mediocre and inconsistent. Elegant, still partnering Murderer in midfield, scored a few goals to help us to a middle of the pack position while Baba, our newly signed GK, proved his worth more than once. Finished 5th out of 8, well out of relegation worries.
Euro Cup:
Drew Olympique Marseilles, Astana and AEK Athens in group. We battled to credible draws home vs. OM and away to Astana, but our best showings were thumpings of AEK, whose squad were less than motivated upon learning they'd be facing us, 1-5 at their place and 3-1 at ours. That was almost enough to take us to the knockout rounds, but we lost 0-1 at home to Astana and got thumped 4-0 at Marseilles, while Astana came back from 2-0 down at AEK to score three in the last 30 minutes and advance in 2nd place. I can hardly complain, though, as 8 points in the group was 8 points more than I expected to get, and the gate receipts plus prize money for winning added to our already flourishing finances.
Belgian Cup:
We made a bit of a run, but our draws were less fortunate this time. We managed to weather a 40-shot performance away at Anderlecht and beat them on penalties, but in the Quarter-Final lost away to Club Brugge 1-0.
League, Phase Two:
We started off Phase Two by winning 7 of our first 8 matches, completely defying my expectations. It appears this squad is built for late-season runs, as both previous seasons had included record-setting win streaks as well. Our strikers were struggling but Elegant and Crazy Legs were carrying us on goals. But the real gem was Baba, our new GK, who was an absolute spiderweb between the goalposts. Guts, our diminutive DC, played well beside Big Kris, and Murderer was putting in tackles as if his own life depended on his removing opposing players of theirs. Keep in mind, aside from Baba, all the other players mentioned in this paragraph were part of the Dessel squad I originally inherited.
In January, after a long battle, our star prospect Scarface left the squad with Genk matching the minimum release clause we had to put in his contract to get him to sign a new one in the offseason. I was originally upset, but despite all his athleticism he really struggled in front of goal at this level anyway. Meanwhile, it just so happened that an 18 year-old I'd been scouting for a while was embroiled in a contract renewal dispute with Lokeren, so I bought him up for ½ of the price paid for us by Genk for Scarface. He looks like he might be a more natural striker anyway.
In the run-in it was between us and KV Mechelen for first spot and a place in the promotion playoff. We headed to their place ahead of them by five points but they sent us home whimpering with a 0-4 thumping that could have been worse. My team masochistically enjoyed the verbal reaming I gave them in the locker room, though, and spirits weren't completely wrecked. A nervy away draw 1-1 against Lokeren followed with King, the newly signed 18-y/o ST, scoring against his former club in the dying minutes to salvage the draw. I was worried nerves would see us squander our one-point lead in last match at home against bottom-sitting Eupen, but King scored a hat-trick and Au Naturale, our on-loan ST from AS Monaco who everyone at the club I ask says is someday going to be bigger than Katy Perry, scored the other two. We were into the playoff.
RWDM were our foes. They'd run away with the First Phase both last year and this one only to fade in the Second Phase, so I thought we had a shot. Maddeningly, our club's first-ever full international call-up saw Baba get called in to sit on the bench for Senegal for a World Cup qualifier over a time period that would see him miss the second leg, but his backup was last year's GK who had played well in the big games both then and as a “cup specialist” this year, most memorably in maintaining our surprise shutout of Anderlecht, the same game in which we gave up 40 shots. We shut up shop away in the first leg and Baba's form gave us a 0-1 loss. We came home with everything to play for. Right out of the gate Silk assisted to King and we were up 1-0. On 53 minutes, their MC picked up his second yellow card and we camped in their half for the rest of normal time. That wasn't enough, but King scored another and Silk banged in a third in extra time to see us crowned champions of Belgium's Pro League B at the first time of asking! Belgian top flight here we come!
League: Winners!
Cup: Out 1-0 to Club Brugge in the quarterfinal.
Fans' POTY: Big Kris, a rock at the heart of defense all year. I dare say he'll perform at the next level, too, a confidence I don't share for much of the rest of the squad.
My POTY: Baba, who was absolutely lights-out between the goalposts with the sole exception of his first game, where he let two goals trickle by his left foot with nary a blink. I blame myself, though, as he'd been thrown on the pitch straight out of the airport that brought him to Dessel with not even a chance at a shower.
Outlook:
-I'm scared we won't survive the top flight and will likely sign a lot of players with our surprise EURO money. That said, our cup experiences seem to indicate that there's not a huge gap between the Belgian top flight and the lower levels, so we might be all right.-Owing almost entirely to having ridiculously been in Europe this year due to last season's cup win, our finances are great. I should be able to sign a number of quality players and get my National A license to boot.